“Sometimes you need to get lost to find your way.”
Where have I been?
The answer is, I don’t know.
I have been neglecting my blog for a while now and its not because I’m lazy or just cant be bothered or even that I have nothing to say (trust me I have a lot in this brain). The simple answer is I let my (negative) brain win, I let the little voices in my head take over and they got me good.
I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the perfect blogger (what even is that?) not just the perfect blogger but just perfect in general (ridiculous I know).
I was so busy comparing myself to other writers that it made me feel that I wasn’t doing good enough, I actually made my thoughts and fears a reality, I stopped writing as much and when I did write I had changed my writing style. I started to try and adapt my writing and reviews to how I thought it should sound instead of how I wanted it to sound, I wasn’t being myself and writing how I wanted. I was rushing out my reviews because I was doubting my writing and my ability to review, was I good enough to have an opinion on what I was seeing/reading? who was I to say if this was good or bad?
I kept thinking I had to do more, be more, see more but what I really needed to do was stop.
The last few months have been hard, knowing that you want to write but you just cant. Knowing that you have probably messed up any chance of being a “successful” blogger because you couldn’t physically reply to the emails, or post a blog, feeling mentally drained but at the same time wanting to carry on, wanting to write that blog but getting nothing out.